|What are you rubbing it in? Screw you kid.|
This'll be brief, because I'm still in shock...
As you know (maybe you don't, maybe you don't read my blog every day, in which case I ask, why?), I went to the dentist yesterday. Nothing drastic, just getting a filling replaced, pretty standard stuff, wasn't painful, was in and out in like 25 minutes. Great, right?
WRONG. So, so, so wrong. After my dental insurance happily picked up the overpriced cost of my work and I unhappily paid my co-pay (biggest scams going), I stood around the receptionists desk for a second. I wasn't sure why at the time, I just felt like something was missing. The receptionist looked up and assured me I was all set, so I snapped out of it, made a joke about it still being early and not being awake, and went on my way.
Went I got to my car, it hit me. Those bastards didn't give me a free toothbrush! Unbe-fucking-lievable.
I was stunned. I sat in the parking lot in a stupor for about 5 minutes. I drove to Dunks. I ordered, got to the window, and tried to take my food without paying. The guy said something like, "mornings, right?" "No," I told him. "I just left the dentist without receiving a free toothbrush, can you believe that?" This man appeared to be Iranian or something along those lines and I don't think he quite understood the implications of what I just said, he half smiled and motioned for me to pay him again. But this cannot be overlooked.
That is easily the most un-American thing to have ever happened to me, and basically, I have no re-course. I can't go back there and demand a toothbrush, that's ridiculous, plus they're like $3.00, I'm not so cheap that I have to grovel for tooth care products. But I still feel gilted. I mean things have happened before, once in a while someone at a BBQ will give you a burger with no cheese on it, I've been told to sit down at playoff games before, I've been to Dr's offices that for some reason don't have subscriptions to Highlights magazine because, "we're not a pediatricians office, sir." Whatever. That stuff was small potatoes compared to this.
Look, everyone hates the dentist, but more or less I'm fine with making small talk with everyone in reception, I'm fine with you taking a pick-ax to my teeth, I'm not fine with paying the co-pay but I deal with it, and I'm fine with that drill you're sticking in my mouth...But I'm only fine with all that if the pay off is a free toothbrush at the end of the day...without that, the whole thing seems so worthless.
Now if you'll excuse me, for the first time in my life I have to go figure out where they sell toothbrushes.