So as all my devoted, daily followers have probably noticed by now, the blog has slowed down. I just wanted to assure you all (all 30 or so of you who don't accidentally end up here through a random google search for things like "gay shit," "hooker," and "zack morris," all true search results that will lead you here) that it's not due to a lack of dedication or anything, it's just my real job. It sucks, a lot. And it'll continue to suck until we're able to put a wrap on January, so bear with me here.
But, on the plus side, I'm still doing blog research just about every day, I just can't find the time to actually write anything...The result? Today's superblog, my backload of stories I've been attempting to write for at least a week, that has now gotten so long its filled one whole page of a word document, and is causing me anxiety every time I open it and am bombarded with a smattering of goofy blue newslinks, and one line thoughts like "gummy bears for adults." Without further ado:
Gummy Bear Vitamins for Adults - This has to be the clearest sign yet that our generation, as a whole, are a bunch of immature, 25-40 year old, children. And I'm not complaining. Putting these things in gummy bear form is brilliant, because frankly, I'm starting to think the pediatric flintstone gummies I've been taking for the last 12 years aren't working. It's as if they're not made for 27 year olds or something. And if you're looking for anyone to blame for this phenomenon of adult children, look no further than Toys R' Us, who in hindsight might have produced the most effective marketing campaign in the last 50 years. I mean, we literally took this shit to heart (Yes, that is a child Urkel at the :25 second mark).
Burger King Testing Home Deliveries - No thanks guys. It's taken DECADES for asians to figure out the home delivery game. Just in the past few years did they start getting orders right and putting people that speak a respectable form of English on the phone taking the calls. I have literally no hope that Burger King figures this out and hits the ground running. I have a hard enough time conveying my order to these MENSA candidates through the drive through, and I'm only like 30 feet away from them at that point, never mind a few miles down the road, depending on cell service and the listening capabilities of a 2nd year ESL student. Plus I didn't even think illegal aliens could get drivers licenses?
Iran Government Cracks Down on Barbie Dolls - In a victory for feminists everywhere, the Iranian government has declared immoral, and anti-muslim. Also, in a serious blow to feminists everywhere, you share the same train of thought as an Iranian terrorism cell/government, so... Also, just so you don't think all middle easterners are batshit crazy: "My daughter prefers Barbies," a 38-year-old mother named Farnaz told Reuters. She said her daughter thinks the other dolls on sale "are ugly and fat." Warms my heart.
Warren Buffet Just Will Not Shut Up About Paying Extra Taxes - Only he won't do it unless Republican fat cats do the same...because if there is one thing Republican fat cats are known for, it's voluntarily paying extra taxes. I'm so fucking tired of these empty vows, Warren. Put your money where your mouth is or shut the fuck up. Stop teasing the American people, saying you'll pay extra taxes, cover the national debt on your own, but only if x,y,z happen. Shit or get off the pot. You got extra money to burn and are feeling bad about it? Give it back. You don't even have to give it to the government, just got out there and spend it on useless shit. Jump start this economy on your own. Buy like, 1 dozen Alt-Tab t-shirts (they're seriously good quality folks, I bought myself one for Christmas), buy enough twinkies to keep Hostess afloat for another few years, tell your limo driver to double the speed limit whereever you go and just pay an endless stream of speeding tickets...I don't care how you do it, but unless you actually intend to start paying more money, you need to shut up. I'm sick of giving you the benefit of the doubt. You're like the worst billionaire ever. Guilty about your money, but simultaneously thrifty as fuck.You just seem a little, phony.
MBTA Holds Public Meetings on Fare Hikes - Perhaps the greatest example ever of government inefficiencies. Guys you're deeply in-debt, you have no way of paying it off given your current business model, it's time to raise prices. Simple as that. You cannot offer your service, as currently offered, at the existing price. Just raise the freaking prices and be done with it. A private company would have just come out and said, due to rising operational costs, and expensive debt created buy our own greed and top heavy payroll, we now need to charge you, the customer, more for our service. Simple as that. Just do it and see how people respond. If they keep riding (which they will), you're good. Doing this whole, painfully drawn out process when the solution is inevitable is just making things worse. If you'd just raised the prices when you realized you needed to people would have been upset for like 2 weeks and that would have been the end of it...Instead people are sounding off daily while you continue to drag your feet.