Daily Mail - Target has a plan to take on the growing competition of online giant Amazon - and it all rests on making their employees 'amazing'. The staff guide to becoming an ideal Target employee have been leaked online, packed full of corporate buzzwords and cringe-worthy customer service tips. The training manual - entitled 'Welcome To Amazing' - provides workers with a script to follow, making sure that customer service is top notch...According to the Target script 'service is the difference maker' and leads to loyal customers. The manual goes on to describe the 'service vibe' which can 'make guests feel welcomed and comfortable...cared for and appreciated... and even moments that stir up a little spontaneous fun'. Store executives have then helpfully outlined what exactly classifies as an 'amazing moment' for staff...Store executives have then helpfully outlined what exactly classifies as an 'amazing moment' for staff...'A moment is when we look up from what we are doing to say hi to the guest that just came down the aisle... Amazing is how the whole family feels when we sincerely offer help,' it reads.
Look, I'm on record several times as preferring Target to Walmart. Hands down. But it's time for some tough love, Target. Because this is some of the most ass backward corporate strategy I've ever heard, and it's affecting me personally.
Last week I went into Target to buy a stick of deodorant. That's it. I realized that morning I was out, went to work, self consciously smelled my pits all day fearing I would wreak of B.O. and have no fat person near by to blame it on, and finally went over to Target after work to rectify the situation.
As I'm checking out, this young cashier pushes the "Target Debit Card on me." I say no thanks. She continues though. "I don't see why anyone wouldn't want it, it's free and you get whatever % percent she said cash back." Slightly annoyed I reply, probably because people don't want to open new credit cards, I thought it was over, it was not. She continues:
Annoying Check out Girl: But it's not a credit card!
Me: Oh really, what is it?
Annoying Check out girl (ACOG): It's a debit card, it's linked directly to your checking account.
Me, Now Really Annoyed: Well that's not really better, most people don't want Target attached to their personal checking account.
ACOG: I don't see why not, I did it and it's safer and more secure than my banks debit card.
Me, I've now had it: Oh really? Like, the same Target that had a massive consumer data breach about a year or so ago? That Target is safer than using the card my bank issued me?
And that was that, I bought my deodorant and left. Nevermind the fact that trying to upsell me on a stick of FUCKING DEODORANT was crazy to begin with. I'm not exactly buying a flat screen tv here where your 3% or 5% or whatever it was would actually mean something. I'm pretty sure I can handle a stick of deodorant on my own, thanks though.
And if it continues like that, if "Amazing" Sales people are going to "Annoy" the fuck out of me, every time I enter the store, I'll stop going. If Target wants some real help identifying areas of improvement from an actual customer here are a couple, written in their own corporate verbiage:
A "Moment" is when you walk into Target and see that only 3 of the 21 sales lines are open and you'll be stuck buying a box of q-tips behind the family of 5 and their annoying kids who can't decide what pack of check out line gum they want to buy along with their 35 other items that they'll be paying for with 3 separate credit cards. "Amazing would be walking in and seeing at least half of those check out lines open.
A "Moment" is walking into Target to be bombarded by sales people trying to up-sell you, apparently taking their cue from the annoying folks at BestBuy. "Amazing" would be walking into the store, finding my toilet paper and paper towels on my own, and checking out without having to interact with anyone.
A "moment" is walking into Target and realizing that all the checkout lines are manned by actual people. "Amazing" would be walking into see that Target has finally realized it is 2012 and every other store on earth has self checkout lines.
Just a few helpful hints guys. I still believe in you, but you gotta tighten things up and ditch the corporate sales pitch. It just doesn't work in the real world with people getting off work and just trying to do a quick errand before heading home for Thursday Night Football.