Monday, March 12, 2012

March Madness and The Modern Office: The Most Useless Week of the Year

It's here folks, March Madness. Time to tell your bosses to screw (well, your female ones anyway, chances are the male bosses are right there with you), clog company bandwith with live streaming of the Thursday/Friday games, and raid the supply closet for black ink for all your brackets, and not to mention the research you'll undoubtedly be going over in the handicap stall all week. 

I previously ranked the first Thursday and Friday of March Madness as the 3rd and 4th ranked most useless days of the business year, but really this week is more than that. It's an entire week of slacking. From Monday when you first roll in discussing the results of the weekends conference championships, discussing various seedings and tough matchups, and fending off the "upset" picks of co-workers who hadn't watched a second of college basketball this year but found time to read 5 minutes worth of an Andy Katz analysis late last night. 

Tuesday after having absord all the information at hand is selection day. You make the easy, surefire picks and further analyze the matchup's you're not too sure about. You start caring about things like "3pt defensive rating" and team rebounding statistics (not that it matters, a girl or similarly unprepared guy will win your pool). 

Wednesday is kind of the calm before the storm. You discuss your final picks with others, secretly rip behind the non-sports fans backs for their embarrassing picks, again, knowing full well that they'll in all likelihood win, no matter, this is your day, you're the sports fan and this is your time to lord it over everyone.

Thursday and Friday - Fughettaboutit. Didn't take the day off from work? No problem. Take an extra long lunch break, visit for your once yearly visit to a second rate sports website, go find the empty presentation room that has a projector hooked up to cable (Jackpot! And yes, that is the route I personally take). 

So enjoy everyone, this is the one week a year where it's universally accepted that your productivity will be halved. If offices had any wherewithal they'd just close down this week, similar to those smaller offices that close the week of Thanksgiving or the week between Christmas and New Years.  Frankly, this is a more important week, one that heathens, Jews, Christians, and Muslims (I imagine, anyway) alike can celebrate. This is March Madness. 

Tune back tomorrow for my match-up by match-up analysis of the first round and Wednesday afternoon for my final picks. I'd advise heavily that you do not use my picks in any analytical form...better off checking with that guy that straight up doesn't like sports in your office.

ED Note: Yea, I'll just be posting everything on Wednesday, coming up with comments for every match ups two days in a row proved much too difficult for my minimal writing skills.