Friday, November 4, 2011

Even A Third World City Like Detroit Doesn't Want Nickelback

You guys are the worst
Yahoo - For the first time in eons, the Lions are a very exciting and competitive team, which means that football fans around the country will not be scheduling their post-Tryptophan naps to coincide with the appearance of Ford Field's home team. It's a marquee game for once, so you'd think that a tribute to some tough Detroit rock would be in order. Nope. Instead, the league has presented us with halftime entertainment in the form of the inexplicably popular proto-generic post-grunge band Nickelback. Some Lions fans have taken this to the Internet, and created a petition at, begging the NFL to get the band (which is from Canada, by the way — aren't there some CFL games it could inhabit?) out of the picture: This game is nationally televised, do we really want the rest of the US to associate Detroit with Nickelback? Detroit is home to so many great musicians and they chose Nickelback?!?!?! Does anyone even like Nickelback? Is this some sort of ploy to get people to leave their seats during halftime to spend money on alcoholic beverages and concessions? This is completely unfair to those of us who purchased tickets to the game. At least the people watching at home can mute their TVs. The Lions ought to think about their fans before choosing such an awful band to play at halftime.

Nickelback catches a ton of shit, and pretty much all of it is deserved, I mean they really suck, the ultimate example of posers, but this I don't get.

Yea, your football team might be good for the first time since the Clinton Administration, but you're still Detroit, right? Like the city of Detroit? You realize inviting a performing artist to perform in Detroit is like trying to get a band to  play in war torn Somalia, except colder, right?

Their music may suck something awful but you're just not going to attract a bigger act to Detroit, I mean, this is still the same city that recently sold an entire NFL stadium for the cost of an average three bedroom home, right? The same city that looks all depressed and bombed out, who's vibe could only be described as Russia in the fall?  

I'd say just take what you can get guys and be happy your team is having a competitive regular season, worry more about your musical half-time acts when your city looks a little less pre-industrial revolution.

This Work Week Has Straight Killed My Twitter Game and Kout Score

I just hate when my real job gets in the way of my fake job, or whatever one would consider what I do. Klout score is for sure in the tank, I’m borderline afraid to look, I’ve tweeted like 3x since Monday because every time I check twitter I'm like 300 tweets behind, which leads to a serious case of twitter-anxiety and I just scroll past all the old updates and pretend they never happened.

I’m easily more distraught about my fake job (blogging) and my klout score and corresponding tweet rep than I am my real job, my ceo’s talk of “rightsizing” (corporate horse shit for layoffs) or caring one bit about some whining self absorbed complaints of clients in positions much greater than mine, with much less common sense than I have.  

I'm far more disappointed when I log in to Twitter to see I lost 3 followers (presumably spammers but every person counts) than I would be to get into work today and be reamed out by my bosses, dead serious. I took a day off from blogging yesterday and I felt more guilty than I've ever felt about banging out on a "sick day." 
What I can't figure out is how this level of dedication to this weird little internet fiefdom I've created has resulted in so little fame and riches, honestly thought by now I'd be blogging on some oversized yacht with T-Pain serenading me with "I'm on a Boat." Guess it doesn't quite work that way.

Boston Greenway to Host Meetings on Beautifying Unsightly Highway Ramps, Maybe They Wanna Address the Shanty-Town That's Formed As well?

As long as we're cleaning up the Greenway, can we take care of this?

Boston - After years of delays and letdowns, state and city leaders are launching a new effort to adorn highway ramps that mar the appearance and physical continuity of the Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy Greenway in downtown Boston. The conservancy that manages the park system will cohost public meetings with the Massachusetts Transportation Department and the Boston Redevelopment Authority to begin soliciting ideas for covering the unsightly ramps, which disrupt the Greenway in three locations between the North End and South Station.

You know what's unsightly on the Greenway? The homeless people camped out down by South Station. Maybe the conservancy can figure out a way to vacate the hundreds of transients camped out on the Greenway and figure out the highway ramps some other day? Oh, that's Occupy Boston? You guys are still here?

Just kidding guys, I hadn't forgotten about you, just took a brief hiatus from your little movement. But I see that you made it through the first snow just fine, kudos, but just know that's only the opening salvo, there's plenty more to come this winter, something you wouldn't have to deal with if you'd organize, get your heads out of your asses, and rent a hall to become a real movement, but I digress.

Just keep having weirdo's leading weirdo marches through Boston, I'm sure that'll attract main streeters, nothing we like more than oddballs with masks, weird outfits, and obnoxious signs marching about while we go about our work day, making money to pay rent/mortgages, fund vacations, pay off our loans etc...Just keep doing your thing.

Coffee Rage: I Straight Up Hate You if You Mix Your Sugar & Cream Right In Front of All the Sugars

Here's the situation, you've just bought your over priced coffee, unfortunately you're at one of those places (or my work in this case) where the barrista is far to busy to mix in your sugars and creams herself, you go to the mixing station, and there is just some douche bag, standing there mixing their coffee, and taking FOREVER.

Get the fuck out of the way …its 9 am , I’m freaking exhausted, I haven’t had my coffee yet, I’m tantalizingly close to accomplishing my one main goal for the day, and you’re here mixing in 18 bags of sugar and countless drips of cream into your coffee and blocking everyone else (ME!) from getting gto the god damn sugar. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MOVE!...

Is what I want to scream each and every god forsaken morning at this place. It’s like people are genetically pre-disposed to be complete dickheads around the coffee condiments. Mindless of the 30 or some odd tables in our cafe where they could do their stir, sip, stir in some more, sip, stir in some more sip routine, they have to stand in the one place gumming up the works while I ponder various ways to ditch a body. Drives me absolutely bananas. It’s probably the one thing I hate most about work. Honestly, work isn’t the worst thing about work…the jackasses I encounter on a daily basis in the coffee line are. 

Black Money Scam Would Seem Legit...If it Weren't Run by Liberians

PROVIDENCE -- Two Liberians who allegedly targeted the wealthy in an elaborate bait-and-switch cash scheme that left their victims with worthless construction paper are facing up to 25 years in prison after they were arrested last Friday during an undercover investigation, federal authorities said today. “I can’t get in the minds of the victims why they would think this is real,” said Thomas M. Powers, resident agent in charge of the Providence office of the US Secret Service, during a press conference at that office. Powers said the men struck up conversations with people who bore obvious signs of wealth, such as expensive cars. They would then convince their victims they could use their own money to spark a chemical process that would remove black ink from the blocks of paper, to reveal US currency. The con men told their victims the money was blackened so it could be smuggled into the US. The suspects met one Fall River, Mass. man at a downtown Providence hotel and allegedly managed to steal from him $100,000.

I’ll fall for this 9 out of 10 times and it’ll be worth it every time.  If it cost me $100 bucks for a chance at thousands, count me in…when someone offers you odds like that, you take it every time. You only gotta hit big once for it to be worth it…

Like yea these Liberians are just your average hoaxsters trying to make a dishonest buck, but the blames on the victims here, everyone know’s Liberians are full of shit, it’s the Nigerians you want to run into. They’ve got princesses, ousted presidents, and royal heirs up the wazzoo over there, just itching to spread the wealth. That’s the first question I would have asked, are you Nigerian? No, you’re just a couple average Liberians? No thanks guys (ok, maybe I’d try out like $5 worth of the black money just because you never know, right, but I wouldn’t go buying the farm over this stuff). 

Bottom line, you want in on some of that Africa money (which pales in comparison to Arab-money, but it's still pretty good) you go to Nigerians, you want to end up buying a brick of construction paper your kids can have fun with, keep dealing with Liberians.  Think I'm kidding? Check out this 1 month year old infant in Nigeria, already has its college diploma and getting paid by the government. Nigeria just has their shit figured out.