Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Poland Constructs Giant Comical Jesus - A statue of Jesus Christ that its builders say will be the largest in the world is fast rising from a Polish cabbage field and local officials hope it will become a beacon for tourists. The builders expect to attach the arms, head and crown to the robed torso in coming days, weather and cranes permitting, completing a project conceived by local Catholic priest Sylwester Zawadzki and paid for by private donations. Standing on an artificial mound, the plaster and fibre glass statue will stand some 52 metres (57 yards) when completed, taller than the famous statue of Christ the Redeemer with outstretched arms that gazes over Rio de Janeiro in Brazil, Polish officials say. The actual statue will measure 33 metres — Zawadzki has said this reflects the fact that Jesus died at 33, according to Christian tradition — and weigh 440 tonnes.
Christ! That thing is huge. Can you imagine looking out your back window one morning, peering into your cabbage field and seeing this gigantic head of Christ? I'd piss myself on the spot.
I'm not sure what effect the constructors intend this to have but it would scare the shit out of me. I'd be in constant fear that monolithic Jesus would come down off the mount side and smite me down for every sin.
But since I doubt thats the actual goal (unless the Polacks are some hardcore fire and brimstone fanatics) I think they missed a golden opportunity to make Jesus seem like a more playful and mischievous character, appealing to a broader audience. Like Gigantic Jesus sneaking a peak over a cliff, or around a building down town, kinda like he's spying on us from above. Just like I'd like to imagine the real Gigantic Jesus would be doing. Maybe even Giant Jesus as a Bus or Subway shelter down town, giving his flock protection from the elements, really any of those would be better than Gigantic Jesus creeping out all the villagers on the hillside.
Here's the completed Gigantic Jesus.
FULLERTON, Calif. — Authorities are looking for a man who tried to rob a fast-food drive-thru at gunpoint while wearing a plastic bag over his head but gave up when an employee shut the window and walked away. A man with a brown plastic bag over his head pulled up to the drive-thru window in a "small" vehicle, pointed a black handgun at an employee and demanded money, Basham said. The employee responded by shutting the drive-through window and walking off, Basham said, and the would-be robber drove away in an unknown direction.
Grade A embarrassment to robbers everywhere. Just another example of the declining status of the professional stick up man. Time was that robbers and stick up men were stuff of American Folklore, heroes to some. The Wild West had Billy the Kid, Wild Bill Hickock and The Outlaw Jesse James. Before that there was Robin Hood, and much later we had Bonnie and Clyde.
And now what do we have? A guy too lazy to properly disguise himself (and too dumb to realize putting a plastic bag over his head is never a good idea), and so uncommitted that he just gave up when the clerk walked away. Get out of your damn car and march back in there and demand what is rightfully yours!
Just another in a long line of a generation of quitters. How is the American society going to respect what you do if you can't even respect yourself? No one said this was going to be easy, people aren't just going to fork over money to you with out some form of threat. This country needs a hero right now, and with the Barefoot Bandit locked up this guy could have filled the void. Instead he's just another guy who faltered when the chance for the spotlight was in reach.
PS-What are the chances that he works there? Just got off shift and drove around to the drive thru to try and make some extra cash? Doesn't seem so far fetched given his other brilliant decisions.
MIAMI—The FBI says a 37-year-old man has been arrested after security found firearm parts in his bag at Miami International Airport. Miami-Dade police say something exploded inside the bag while it was on the tarmac on Tuesday. Detective Edna Hernandez said a preliminary investigation suggested it was an aerosol can. The Transportation Security Administration says security then found firearms parts in the checked baggage that arrived on an American Airlines flight from Boston. No one was injured.
Hey guy after you're finished playing out your Saturday night fantasy you might want to check the dudes luggage. This shit is ridiculous. All this time spent groping peoples grundles, scrotum, between fat rolls, and rectum and they forgot to look in the fucking bag!?
And of course this had to involve Logan airport in Boston. I'm just going to assume from here on out that any time I hear of a security breach involving an airline that it stemmed from Boston. Place is like a god damned amusement park for professional and amateur terrorists alike.
Sure they're all over me about bringing my 16.9 oz (why does Poland Spring keep that extra .9 oz?) water bottle through the gate, God forbid I stay hydrated, but go right ahead foreign looking man with bullets in your bag, have a nice flight. Outrageous.
No jackpot winners again last night. There's nothing that depresses me more than when that tiny sliver of hope I have the morning after a gigantic jackpots numbers are drawn and I see that I didn't win again. Shit is depressing, just knowing that I have to go on with my job and current existence for at least 3 more days.
So that I'm not giving the wrong impression here, everyone should know that I, like 1000's of other delusional Americans, only play the big jackpots. We're not degenerates over here blowing our salary and blogging income on scratchers and lotto tix, and we're certainly not hanging out all day at Store 24 with the rest of the creatures playing Keno all day. I've never understood those people, whats the best case scenario? You miraculously win like $100-$250 bucks after playing 9-5 all week? Just go get a job.
And what would I do after winning? Other than claim the title of worlds richest blogger (unofficial) and living the life of luxury? Probably nothing. I'd still gripe and rant, its what I do best. If I got bored with that I might take up small jobs around town a la Forrest Gump. Pitch in mowing the lawn, maybe learn to plow. I've always wanted to take a crack at driving a subway car too so I think that would be a neat hobby, and I'd definitely buy a Zamboni company and immediately promote myself to head Zamboni driver. Basically I'd take up all the jobs I thought would be neat when I was 6 years old but disregarded when I got older and realized those jobs wouldn't be able to pay for big screen TV's, cellphones, and various other electronics.