Monday, December 20, 2010
Am I really still the only one that sees this? First time I saw this Assange guy I just shook my head and said figures. Guy probably learned everything he knows about computer hackery from watching NPH on Doogie Howser. You thought Doogie's medical skills were unbelieveable for a 16 year old? The kid was writing blogs at the end of every show back in 1989! A true visionary, decades before his time. He might as well have invented the internet for all intents and purposes.
I'm not one to condone hitting a woman, but this bitch had a lot more coming than a simple antiquing. Its people like this that really illustrate the need for some sort of exemption rule for domestic violence laws. If I were on the jury I'd have found this guy innocent of anything short of something involving him burying her in his backyard.
Should be some kinda statute for size restrictions too, for that matter. That woman looked like she had an easy 100 lbs on me. That's gotta be on next years ballot. If an annoying as fuck woman outweighs you by 50+ pounds you have every right to treat her like you would any other obnoxious man.
Given the nature of this blog I'm completely shocked I haven't given you, the readers, a run down of all the different types of procrastination I've come across over the years. Sure I've tossed out a few here and there, but I'd be remiss if I didn't compile the greatest list of slacking activities of all time. And what better day to do it than on the celebration of our 3 month anniversary and 200th blog post. Note this is a working list and in no way complete, I'm constantly in search of the next great time killer to share with everyone.
In order to provide some form of structure here we're going to break the slacking options into two categories, Internet Related and Non-Internet Related. Lets Start with non:
- TV – The number one means of procrastination of all time. Whether at home, the dorm, or the office there is sure to be a TV around when you need a distraction.
- Trips to the Bathroom – The old trip to the bathroom excuse, discovered as middle schoolers, perfected in high school, this ones an oldie but goody that I still employ today
- Chatting – Everyone knows that one person at the office or school who always has a story to tell or gossip to spread. They’re good to kill a solid 10-15 minutes. Beyond that you’ll probably want to kill them.
- Walking Around – Tends to get obvious if you do it all the time, boring too. But when you’re out of options a good aimless stroll around the building is always better than buckling down and doing work
- Long lunch – the classic maneuver to steal time from your employer. An extra 10 minutes today, another 5 tomorrow. It all adds up to time you didn’t spend dying inside.
- Trips to the Bathroom – Yes I repeated it, see my point?
- Snack/TV time – The potent food and TV combo, go ahead and schedule a 30 minute block of down time if you stumble into this category. I’m not working until PTI is over.
- Moving Your Car to a Better Parking Space – This is solely for those of us at large offices. Once mid afternoon passes it’s a good opportunity to waste some time and improve your parking spot by taking a stroll to your car and snatching someone’s spot that was lucky enough to be done for the day at 4 pm.
- Office Games – Everyone loves a good game of hallway bowling or paper football.
- And Finally, Napping – A bit more difficult in the office than say, in college. But my absolute favorite if it’s available. Nothing is more unproductive than a nap, and ultimately, that’s my only goal when procrastinating.
The internet. I know many of you were probably puzzled when I named TV the greatest means of procrastination of all time. Well technically, that’s a technicality. I just didn’t think it would be fair to compare the internet as a singular means of procrastination. That’s like comparing a fire cracker to the atom bomb, it just doesn’t measure up. Think about it, if your work involves a computer in any way, that icon on your desktop is just daring you not to click it and open a whole new world of procrastination. It’s not even fair, I lose that dare every time. Instead I’ve elected to break out the different diversions the internet provides to help us all get through our day.
- -Facebook – The king of internet time killers. Most offices block this; luckily most employees have smart phones and can access it anyway. Want to ignore that spreadsheet for a while? Why not check out some updates and find out what Tina’s having for lunch, or what slightly feminine quote of the day Johnny has elected to share with all of us.
- Twitter – Fast gaining on Facebook, though at only 140 characters per message the time killed can be a bit short for my liking. Plus you have to deal with all the shortened hyperlinks, you never really know what you’re getting yourself into with those.
- Video Games – everyone enjoys a good classic arcade style game once in a while, or a Ping-Pong match against Forrest Gump. No matter what your style you’re bound to be able to find a free game that suits you.
- Blogging – Just as long as you don’t take away from the miniscule attention I already receive.
- Gambling Research – take a miserable beating against the spread last weekend? Maybe if you spent more time researching the games and less time working that wouldn’t have happened. Also, if your office has a Bloomberg terminal you have perhaps a gamblers best friend at your finger tips.
- News and Sports Browsing – No explanation needed.
- EBay and Amazon – If you’re a compulsive buyer like I can be on occasion then why not spend your time bidding and tracking items you’re sure to regret two weeks later when the newness wears off?
- Email – Kind of the internet right? Throw out a group email to a handful of friends and spend the rest of your day replying to all and busily deleting the steady stream of banter related emails flooding your inbox. My personal favorite of the bunch.
That’s all, I’ve got for now in my playbook. If you think of something I missed or come across something new feel free to drop it in the comments section or e-mail us at TheAltTab@gmail.com . Reader submitted topics and guest blogs are welcomed. How much of a slacker could I really be if I didn’t lobby for someone to do my job for me once in a while?